Are dating apps a waste of time?
Everyone loves to hate dating apps. But does that mean they're a waste of time? Or is the reality that you 'gotta be in it to win it'?
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode.
It’s been a little while since my last article, so let me quickly fill you in:
I turned all of my podcast episodes into articles on Medium and Substack for those who prefer reading to listening.
I created a FREE TRAINING called Empowered AF: How to Find Mr Right Without Having to Change Yourself, Lower Your Standards or Waste Your Time. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com if you’re interested.
I’ve had a lot of new clients, so I’ve been busy serving them and just improving the whole Your Dating Bestie community to maximise my clients’ chances of finding their Mr Right ASAP.
Now, let’s get stuck into it…
The lie single people love to be told
Swearing off dating apps is just ‘so hot right now’.
As a dating expert, there’s no better way to get single people on-side than by telling them they don’t have to do online dating to find love.
Even better if you tell them they don’t have to do ANYTHING to find love. They don’t have to make an effort to meet other eligible singles. They don’t have to alter their approach to dating. In fact, they can just sit on the couch, watch Netflix and eat ice cream and their Mr or Ms Right will eventually fall through the roof.
I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea. The more you tell single people they don’t have to lift a finger to find love, the more popular you’ll be.
Well, I’m not in the business of being popular. I’m in the business of ACTUALLY helping people find love. And I’m not afraid to tell them the truth — with kindness, of course.
Deleting your dating apps is liberating — or is it?
This came up in a Medium article I recently commented on. It was written by a 31 year-old woman who had decided to delete her dating apps.
Everyone loves a good dating app deletion story. It feels liberating. But is it actually liberating? Not if you end up alone. Unless, of course, you WANT to be alone, which is a totally valid option. But if you DON’T want to be alone… not so liberating.
Her article also touched on how it’s almost impossible to meet me offline as well, so it was defeatist from every angle.
She said she was hopeful her Mr Right would come along someday, but it won’t be on the dating apps. This was my comment…
You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket
“Well, it won’t be if you’re not on them. As the saying goes: ‘You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.’
I want to say something you’re probably not going to like. But I promise it’s coming from a loving place and I wouldn’t waste my time and energy if I didn’t truly care. Okay, here goes: The likelihood that your Mr Right will just ‘come along’ is extremely low. Do you really want to leave your entire romantic future and the option of having kids up to chance?
You’re only 31, so time is currently on your side. But in 7 years at the age of 38, if you haven’t gotten lucky in the relationship department, I can almost guarantee you’ll look back and wish you hadn’t spent your early to mid-30s being so stubborn about not making an effort to date.
Being older, you’ll have fewer men to choose from. Many of the so-called good men will be taken. And men your own age (38–42) will be more interested in dating women your current age (28–32), so it’ll be more competitive.
Meanwhile, your chances of meeting men organically will be drying up due to your age and your friendship group moving out of the ‘Footloose and fancy free’ stage of life and into the ‘Marriage and kids’ stage of life. And I know I’m not supposed to say this, but it’s true… you’ll be turning fewer heads. Fewer men will be crossing a room or a road to talk to you.
Now, if you WANT to be single, that’s a different story. There’s nothing wrong with being single. I was single until almost 40. And there were a lot of advantages to it. But if you know in your heart you’d ideally like to spend your life with one special man, you need to date. Otherwise, that’s a bit like wanting to get in shape without being willing to exercise. Online dating isn’t so nightmarish when you know how to do it effectively. I wish I’d learned earlier. I finally bit the bullet at age 37 and worked with a dating coach. Six months later at 38, after putting the lessons into practice, I met my husband. On a dating app. Wouldn’t have met him otherwise.
If you’re really NOT willing to do online dating, that’s fine. But you DO need to do SOMETHING to meet eligible single men. There’s speed dating, singles events and all kinds of Facebook groups and Meetup groups dedicated to socialising. You might enjoy a book club, or a movie group, or a walking group, or a brunch group. If a group that revolves around your interests doesn’t already exist, start one. But make sure it attracts eligible single men.
In short, it’s hard for me to read an article like yours and not drop some wise, crystal ball advice from someone who can relate to your plight but is 15 years your senior. If I knew then what I know now…”
Okay, that was the end of my comment.
Time for a reality check
So, if your goal is to find a loving life partner or husband, there’s no way around the following reality: You need to meet eligible single men. As many as possible without it interfering too much with the rest of your life, including work, health, family and friends.
A combination of online and offline dating paired with effective dating and relationship techniques will maximise your chances of finding Mr Right as quickly and smoothly as possible. It doesn’t matter if 90% of men on dating apps don’t interest you because it only takes one.
In conclusion
To cut a long story short, dating apps are NOT a waste of time because they help you meet eligible single men, especially when you learn how to control online dating rather than letting online dating control you.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING - Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.