Can't motivate to date? Here's how to get off your butt and into a happy relationship.
Wanna find love but can't be bothered to date? Here are three ways to keep yourself motivated on your journey to Mr Right.
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode.
The only two ways to find love
There are only two ways people in happy relationships found each other:
They got lucky, or
They persisted with dating
In my case, it was definitely #2.
The ones who got lucky
So, if you want to find love but you don’t want to date, I totally understand how you feel. Especially when so many people are in group #1.
They got lucky. They didn’t have to do a damn thing to find each other.
They met through family, or in high school, or at university, or at work, or while travelling, or through a common interest, or through friends at a party or, the timeless classic, at a bar or nightclub.
The ones who persisted with dating
Now please bear with me for a moment as I invoke the serenity prayer:
‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’
Words to live by!
In this instance, the thing you ‘cannot change’ is having gotten lucky in love. But you should be wise enough to know that what you CAN change is being persistent with dating. That’s within your control.
And if you’re wondering whether or not it’s worth it, yes. I 100% believe it’s worth persisting with dating until you find love.
I did 11 years of online dating across 3 countries and 7 apps. I met my husband, David, online at the age of 38 and got married at 42.
Now, I’m on a mission to help women have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did. But even my long and bumpy journey to love was worth it.
So, how do you find the motivation to date? Here are three ways…
Motivational tip #1: Think long-term
As with any goal, whether it’s losing weight, changing career, having a baby, going on a big overseas trip or finding love, you need to want to achieve it more than you want to not bother trying.
The idea of never having it needs to become more painful than the idea of doing the work.
Try this thought experiment: Think of yourself as an old lady…
You had a wonderful life full of health, happiness, friends, family, work, travel and hobbies.
Will you look back and say: ‘That was a great life! I feel totally fulfilled. I’m glad I never wasted my time with that whole dating thing. Men, love, relationships, marriage, kids… Who needs it! I didn’t miss anything.’
OR
Will you look back and say: ‘It really would have been nice to share my life with one special man and maybe even get married and have kids. I wish I’d made more of an effort to date. I probably would have found someone eventually, so I regret not trying hard enough. And now it’s too late.’
This is a good way to figure out what’s important to you in the long-run.
Motivational tip #2: Find the right balance
Dating isn’t an ‘all or nothing’ thing.
It’s not a choice between ruining your life with dating or not dating at all. It’s about being balanced.
Just because you’re making an effort to date doesn’t mean it has to be incredibly time-consuming or nightmarish. It just needs to be folded into your daily routine like household chores and exercise.
I recommend spending half an hour each day swiping or searching on at least one dating platform (like Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Match, OK Cupid, eHarmony or RSVP) and then another half an hour sending messages, responding to messages or having a phone chat.
If you’re particularly motivated, you can add offline dating to the mix, including speed dating, singles events and maybe even matchmaking.
In any case, aim for about one date every couple of weeks. Just one man you’ve met online or offline, swapped a few good messages with, had a nice phone chat with and who’s asked you out, planned and confirmed the date.
Then on a night you’d otherwise be watching TV, go out and meet this romantic prospect. Get dressed up, go somewhere new and have an interesting conversation. Note: This should be at least somewhat fun!
Worst case scenario: You have an amusing story to tell your girlfriends at Sunday brunch.
Best case scenario: It leads to a second date you’re excited about. And then hopefully a third date, fourth date, fifth date…
Consolation prize: You make a nice new friend or contact.
Do this enough times and, eventually, I can almost guarantee one of these men will turn out to be your Mr Right.
Motivational tip #3: Date like a boss
Dating is a lot more enjoyable when you learn how to control the dating process rather than letting the dating process control you.
When I finally learned how to date more effectively, I met my husband, David, within 6 months.
This is why I’m so passionate about what I do — because I know dating doesn’t have to be miserable.
When you learn how to date with confidence and finesse, not only will you maximize your chances of finding love but you’ll even enjoy the journey.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING — Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.
Yes, wise words!