How to move on from a man you had intoxicating chemistry with
Chemistry can trick you into believing a particular person is 'The One'. So, what if it doesn't work out that way? This metaphor will help you put chemistry into perspective.
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Chemistry: Everyone’s favorite drug
Ah, chemistry. That elusive feeling all single people are chasing.
But when we find it, it totally clouds our judgement. We overvalue it and assume it means we’re meant to live ‘happily ever after’ with that person.
And then if it doesn’t work out that way, we’re left feeling extremely confused. We worry we’ll never feel that way about someone ever again.
I wasted precious weeks (okay, months — sometimes years) pining over exes I had mind-blowing chemistry with. Because it was so rare.
How was I supposed to get over them? With their mesmerizing good looks, lips as soft and delicious as marshmallows, and magical charm, humor and banter that held my attention into the wee hours of the morning.
Let’s tackle this Question-and-Answer-style. And in the answer, I’m going to share a helpful metaphor you can always use to remind yourself that Mr Chemistry wasn’t as great as he seemed.
Question: 6 weeks of chemistry and now it’s over
Hi Elly,
My heart is currently broken over a guy I met 6 weeks ago and had instant, off-the-charts chemistry with.
We had so much in common and talking with him was absolutely effortless. We slept together after the second date (I barely made it through the first and just couldn’t wait until the third) and it was hands down the best I’ve ever had. After that, I was completely hooked.
Unfortunately, the timing was off. He was fresh out of a long-term relationship and not ready for his next big love. He made that clear and I was fine with it — initially. I didn’t expect to have these feelings. We talked it through and agreed it was best to break things off.
My question is: How do I get over him? I’ve been dreaming about him non-stop for weeks. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way and I can’t imagine feeling it again in a big hurry. But I also know he’s emotionally unavailable and I need to move forward. How do I do that?
Hope you can help!
Thanks,
Hannah
Answer: The luxury car Vs practical car metaphor
Hi Hannah,
I can totally relate. But you might be interested to know most happily married couples aren’t married to the person they had the most chemistry with — myself included.
That might sound a little depressing, but I promise it isn’t. You just need to make a mindset shift. Try this metaphor on for size…
When I met my husband, David, he had a classic BMW. I had a 15-year-old Mitsubishi Mirage.
His car looked sexy and made him feel cool. But it was constantly breaking down and costing him a fortune. We didn’t even take it on road trips because we couldn’t rely on it. So much for ‘luxury’.
My car wasn’t flashy. But it was cute, reliable and I loved it. It rarely broke down. It was fuel efficient. And it was small enough to squeeze into tiny car spaces, thus maximizing our chances of securing a parking spot right out the front of a restaurant.
Eventually, my husband sold his BMW. It had become more trouble than it was worth. He’d only had it for a few years.
I eventually sold my Mirage for something similar — a brand new Suzuki Swift. Now, I’ll probably have that car for another decade or so.
In other words, your ‘instant chemistry’ guy was like my husband’s classic BMW — sexy but unreliable. It’s exciting at first, but it doesn’t take long for something so impractical to become not worth it.
I love my Suzuki Swift! It’s still cute, comfortable and modern, but it’s also reliable, fuel efficient and easy to park. I honestly wouldn’t want anything else even if I could afford it.
Your future Mr Suzuki Swift might not be as snazzy as your Mr BMW was at first glance, but you’ll be much happier with him in the long run.
Now, get out there and start driving those men wild! (Sorry. That was a cringe-worthy pun, but I couldn’t resist.)
Love,
Elly
Chemistry: Only one cog in the relationship wheel
So, I hope this metaphor about the BMW Vs the Suzuki Swift helps to remind you that chemistry isn’t everything. Chemistry is only one small cog in a very big wheel of what makes a relationship work.
The type of relationship you need isn’t the one with the most chemistry — it’s the one with the most comfort. It’s refreshingly easy. It makes you feel relaxed and happy. And it warms the cockles of your heart to know you have a true partner and team mate.
Yes, of course you need to have SOME chemistry. In fact, you need to have GOOD chemistry. You just don’t need to have the MOST chemistry you’ve ever had with anyone in your entire life.
In short: Follow your heart — but take your brain with you.
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