Jake Maddock and the ethics of dating coaching
Just because one dating and relationship coach was unethical doesn't mean we all are. Here's how to spot an ethical dating coach who can help you find love without ripping you off.
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode here.
Dating coaches — we’re not all bad
Last week, Australian dating and relationship coach, Jake Maddock, was outed on the tabloid news TV show, A Current Affair, for ripping off his clients. This led to a wave of people on social media (particularly TikTok) sharing the various ways in which they were taken for a ride by him.
In some cases, he didn’t deliver on what he promised. In other cases, he did — but they felt what he charged for his services was way too expensive.
You might be interested to know I literally charge one tenth of what Jake Maddock charges because I want to help as many people as possible find love (not just rich people), but I’m in the minority.
Most dating coaches charge a pretty penny for their services. And assuming they deliver on their promises, that’s their prerogative. No one is being forced to pay their rates. If people want to work with a premium-priced dating coach, let them (as Mel Robbins would say).
I’m not here to talk about Jake Maddock. I’ve never met him, never interacted with him and know very little about him or his business. But this incident has prompted me to discuss the ethics of dating coaching.
Dating coaches have ‘no qualifications’
The №1 complaint or ‘gotcha’ comment people love to make about dating coaches is that they have ‘no qualifications’ — like a degree in psychology.
There are two reasons for this:
Dating coaching isn’t therapy, which is why dating coaches aren’t qualified therapists. Our goal isn’t to help you heal the wounds of your past. (In fact, we strongly recommend you find a good therapist or counselor for that.) It’s to help you take steps to move forward and achieve a certain goal, such as finding true love and happiness with a life partner or spouse. This is usually done through helping you navigate the minefield that is modern dating, including dating sites and apps.
You can’t get a degree in dating coaching. You can’t even really get a certificate. Unfortunately, it doesn’t exist. (I wish it did!) So, while dating coaches are self-proclaimed dating experts, that doesn’t mean they have ‘no qualifications’. They just don’t always have formal qualifications.
Informal qualifications of a good dating coach
The ‘qualifications’ of a good dating coach are:
Experience with modern dating
Wisdom as a result of that experience
A happy life partnership or marriage
A passion for helping people find love
A knack for teaching people how to date more effectively
The ability to be there for people on their journey to love
These are so much more important than any degree. Even a qualified MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) can’t necessarily help you write an effective dating profile or navigate the apps. That’s not something they learned at university. Only if they’ve had a lot of experience and, ultimately, success with online dating can they help you with these sorts of things.
All theory — no practice
Case in point: Raygun. The Australian so-called break-dancer who embarrassed herself (and her country) at the 2024 Olympics in Paris. If there was ever a poster child for being all theory and no practice, it’s her.
Rachael Gunn’s PhD thesis was about break-dancing — yet the woman can’t actually break-dance to save her life. So, who would you prefer to learn break-dancing from — Raygun or a break-dancer whose moves you admire?
Likewise, who would you prefer to learn modern dating from: Someone with a PhD in psychology or someone who struggled with online dating, finally learned how to date more effectively and is now in a happy life partnership or marriage with someone they met on a dating site or app — and is able to help others achieve this dream as well?
How we prove ourselves
While we can’t all hang a psychology degree on our office wall (although I do have a communication degree and a 20-year career as a copywriter, which is why I’m so good at writing my clients’ dating profiles), there’s more than one way to prove you have value as a dating coach. And that’s free content, like the stuff you’re reading or listening to right now.
Did you know that most dating coaches don’t make one cent from their content directly? It’s all free, as a way to showcase our talents so you can decide whether or not you’d like to work with us. If you get value out of our free content, imagine how much our paid offers could help you. They might even change your life. (My dating coach helped to change mine.)
You’re benefiting from our free labor
It cracks me up (and by ‘cracks me up’ I mean it annoys the poop out of me) when I see people on social media say, ‘You don’t need a dating coach. They have no qualifications. Just google it.’ Um, all those articles, videos and podcast episodes that appear when you google a dating question? They’re usually created by a dating coach — a self-proclaimed dating expert who you like to accuse of having ‘no qualifications’.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re already learning from us. And we have to accept the fact that we’ll never make one cent from 99% of those who learn from us. But we don’t mind. We’re happy to help.
All we need is enough clients to be able to pay our bills so we can do this work we’re so passionate about full-time. A good dating coach just wants to leave this world a little better than we found it by helping to create happy relationships, marriages and families with our unique set of skills.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING — Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.