Should you be dating if you're not at your best?
Should you delay dating because you think you're not 'slim' enough, not over your ex enough, not… enough? Probably not.
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode.
Ready or not, should you date?
Have you ever put dating on the back burner because you’re not ‘ready’? Because you think you need to lose weight? Invest in a new wardrobe? Get some beauty treatments? Be more healed from your ex? Work on yourself?
Sometimes, you genuinely do need to feel more prepared before you dive into dating. But you’re probably more ready to date than you realize.
Here’s how to tell the difference between needing to hold off from dating for a bit and needing to stop being so hard on yourself and just do it!
Let’s tackle this Q&A style…
Question: Should I date or wait?
Hi Elly,
I’m not at my best at the moment.
Thanks to perimenopause, I’ve put on a bit of weight. Work is okay, but I’m looking to change jobs. And I’m just feeling a bit flat at the moment.
I decided I didn’t want to date again until I’d gotten back into shape, work was more stable and my mood had lifted.
Then I realized how long I might be putting off finding love.
What if I never quite get back into shape? What if the next job isn’t so great? What if my mood is always a little unpredictable?
I keep going back and forth in my mind and I’m not sure what to do. Should I date even if I don’t feel as though I’m at my best? Or should I wait a bit?
Looking forward to your thoughts,
Ingrid
Answer: I found love when I wasn’t at my best
Hi Ingrid,
I have news for you: No one’s perfect!
Everyone is taking their imperfect selves out into the dating world and finding other imperfect people to love them for who they are — imperfections and all.
Women tend to be much harsher on themselves than men.
In most cases, it wouldn’t even occur to a man not to date because he’s not making a lot of money, or is a little out of shape, or is losing his hair, or isn’t yet on the best of terms with his ex-wife, or whatever.
Could they stand to work on themselves? Sure. But that’s not the point. The point is men tend to be better at moving forward than women because they don’t think they need to be perfect to be deserving of love.
So, I highly recommend you date more like a man — a confident, clueless man — and remind yourself that you don’t need to be perfect to find love.
I wasn’t in a great place when I met my husband, David. But I didn’t let it stop me. David also wasn’t in a great place, but in different ways.
Wanna know how much it affected our ability to form a strong, happy, healthy relationship right from the start? Zero.
We were both very open about the things we were dealing with at the time. And we’re well past them now. It was actually nice to be able to lean on each other. Not in a co-dependent way, but in a healthy, caring way.
Ingrid, the right man for you will love your strengths and accept your weaknesses. There’s no need to put your dating life on hold because you think you could be ‘better’. Who couldn’t?
So, while your health, job and mood are important aspects of your life you need to tend to, you’re perfectly date-able just as you are right now.
Love,
Elly
Newsflash
You don’t need to be the absolute best version of yourself to be desirable.
It’s possible to find love even when you’re a work in progress. Because guess what: We’re all a work in progress!
If you feel you’re somewhat of a basket case at the moment and dating would prevent you from getting a handle on your life, don’t date.
But if you think you might be using your imperfections as an excuse not to date, you need to push through that resistance and procrastination.
Yes, dating can be scary. It’s time-consuming, energy-draining and usually involves a lot of rejection. But it’s almost impossible to find love without it. And I really, really, really want you to find love. Because you deserve it.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING — Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.