The Trojan horse method to meeting men offline and finding your Mr Right IRL
Ditching dating apps is just so hot right now. Or is it? I'm about to reveal my proprietary 'Trojan horse method to meeting men offline'. And if you think it sounds sneaky, that’s because it is!
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode.
What do you do when you want to find your Mr Right and you know you should probably do online dating — but you really don’t want to?
It’s exhausting just thinking about it…
Signing up to at least one dating site or app — as if they all don’t suck
Taking nice pictures of yourself — like a wannabe Instagram model
Writing an alluring dating profile bio — as if men even read your bio
Swiping away — hello, Mr No-Way, Mr Not-a-Chance and Mr Get-Real
Messaging men — how many times can you say ‘Hey’ back and forth?
Phone calls and first dates — blah, blah, blah, enough about your car
Excitement and disappointment — it’s as volatile as plucking the petals of a daisy with ‘He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not’
Bleh! It’s enough to seriously start considering a romantic relationship with your TV and getting intimate with a pint of gelato.
Before you give up, you’ll be pleased to know there’s another option: Meeting men OFFLINE. But how?
I’m going to give you six ways to meet men offline and, at the end, I’ll explain why I call this the Trojan horse method to meeting men offline. And if you think it sounds sneaky, that’s because it is.
Meet men offline option #1: Speed dating
Pretty much every major city holds speed dating events, so just google ‘speed dating’ and your city, ‘such as speed dating Sydney’, ‘speed dating New York’ or ‘speed dating London’, and you’ll see what’s available to you.
Speed dating is a room of about 10–15 men and 10–15 women. The women stay seated while the men move on to the next woman every 8 minutes or so. At the end of each 8-minute date, you mark down whether or not you want to see the person again. If you both marked yes, the speed dating company sends you your matches and you’re able to contact each other.
The pros of speed dating are that you can meet 10–15 single men in one night without having to do online dating. And it’s an evening out.
The cons of speed dating are that it can be pricey and you can walk into the room, see all the men and know you’re not attracted to any of them — but you’re stuck talking to each and every one of them for the next 2–3 hours.
Personally, I went to a few speed dating events when I was single and never met anyone I wanted to see again. But that was just my experience. Of course there’s a chance of finding your Mr Right at a speed dating event.
Meet men offline option #2: Singles events
Do some google searching and asking around and I’m sure you’ll find some singles events being held in your city or region. For instance, Valentine’s Day and Halloween parties for singles are often popular.
Some enterprising folks are jumping on the ‘I hate dating apps’ bandwagon and facilitating in-person events so singles can meet each other IRL.
The pros and cons of singles events are similar to speed dating events. They get you out of the house and meeting men face-to-face instead of online. But they can be expensive and you’re limited to the men in the room.
Meet men offline option #3: Matchmaking
Matchmaking typically falls into one of two categories:
Matchmaking for high net-worth individuals who can afford to spend thousands of dollars to outsource their dating life
Free, community-based matchmaking for a specific group, such as Jewish singles or Indian singles. That’s why there’s a Netflix show called Jewish Matchmaking and a Netflix show called Indian Matchmaking.
Having said that, matchmaking might be becoming a little more mainstream depending on where you live. Some innovative people are combining matchmaking with singles events, so you go to a singles event but you’re actually matched with someone there and you have to find them.
Like speed dating and singles events, matchmaking can be pricey and a bit hit and miss because you’re limited to the men you’ve been matched with.
Meet men offline option #4: Fix-ups
Being fixed up by a family member or friend is kind of like matchmaking — but it’s personal rather than professional. And it’s free!
There’s nothing wrong with letting your family, friends, work colleagues and other people in your life, such as your personal trainer or barista, know that you’re looking for love and you’re open to being fixed up with a smart, funny, handsome man who meets their stamp of approval.
The downside is you’re depending on the people in your life to do the work for you. And if they can’t be bothered or just don’t know anyone, you’ll be disappointed. You’re limiting yourself to your network when you might be better off meeting someone who’s not connected to anyone you know.
Meet men offline option #5: Interest groups
There are so many Facebook groups and Meetup groups dedicated to various interests. So, if you enjoy walking, running, swimming, sailing, pickle-ball, poker, trivia, books or movies, or literally any activity under the sun, there’s probably a group you can join where you’ll meet like-minded people and get together to indulge your shared interest.
Some of these groups cater to singles, which is ideal if you’re looking for Mr Right. But most of them are for anyone who has a particular interest. Many of the people will be too young, too old, or too married.
Interest groups are great for getting out of the house, making new friends and enjoying your interests. But it’s a very indirect path to finding love.
Meet men offline option #6: Out and about
Finally, I’m lumping every other way of meeting men offline in the same category. Whether you meet at the gym, a café, a bookstore, an airport, the supermarket or, the timeless classic, at a bar, I’m calling it ‘out and about’.
Meeting men out and about requires you to never leave the house without looking fairly well-put-together, to be on the lookout for men you find attractive, to make eye contact, to smile, to approach, and maybe even to start conversations. It also requires you to be okay with rejection if they’re married, in a relationship, or simply not interested in you.
Also, just because you met a man offline doesn’t mean he’s not a serial killer. And by ‘serial killer’, I don’t mean literally. Very few men are actual serial killers. But online dating gets blamed for connecting women with bad men, as if women didn’t meet liars, cheaters, manipulators, assholes and criminals before online dating. You can just as easily meet a bad man offline as online so, either way, you need to keep your wits about you. But without being paranoid.
Meeting out and about is delightful when it works. But meeting someone out and about who turns out to be the love of your life is quite rare.
The summary before the big reveal
So, before the big reveal, let’s sum up the six best ways to men offline:
Speed dating
Singles events
Matchmaking
Fix-ups
Interest groups
Out and about
Why I call this the Trojan Horse method to meeting men offline
Now that I’ve outlined the six best ways to meet men offline, I have a question for you:
Does meeting men offline sound easier and more enjoyable than meeting men online? Or does it sounds just as time-consuming and difficult? Perhaps even more so?
Because here’s the thing…
If you want to maximize your chances of finding your Mr Right, you need to meet eligible single men. You can meet them online, offline, or both, but you have to meet them. The more eligible single men you meet, the more chances you have of one of them turning out to be your Mr Right.
That’s why I call this the Trojan horse method to meeting men offline. Because it’s sneaky. You think you’re about to learn how to meet men offline and then sail off into the sunset with your Mr Right. But what you discover is meeting men offline can be just as hard as meeting men online. And suddenly, online dating doesn’t seem so bad.
The pros and cons to meeting men online
Like meeting men offline, there are pros and cons to meeting men online — not just cons, as you might assume.
The cons of online dating are obvious:
Swiping through so many clueless men’s horrendous dating profiles
Dealing with men who put little to no effort into getting to know you
Rude men, love-bombing men or men who don’t keep their promises
Men who take you out for coffee and and then never contact you again
However, the pros to online dating are as follows:
Pro #1: It’s time efficient
Online dating might SEEM like a waste of time. But compared to meeting men offline, it’s actually really time-efficient.
In a matter of hours, you can search or swipe through 100 dating profiles, swipe right on 20 and be matched with 10.
Over the next week, you can message with those 10 men, end up speaking on the phone with 5, make it out on a date with 3 and end up on a second date with 1 or 2.
Then one of those two men could end up being your boyfriend.
Pro #2: You know a lot about them before you meet
You already know:
How old they are
Where they live
What they do for work
Whether or not they have kids or pets
What their religious and political beliefs are
What common interests you have
Whether or not they’re able to string a sentence together in writing
And, in most cases, that they’re single and looking for love
When you meet offline, all you know about them is that you find them physically attractive and they have a nice vibe.
They could be married for all you know! But assuming they’re single, you need to find out over the course of a few dates all the things their dating profile would have told you if you’d met them online.
This is another reason why online dating can be extremely efficient. By the time you make it out on a date with someone, they’re a fairly qualified romantic prospect.
Pro #3: They know a lot about you before you meet
If you’re attractive, intelligent, funny or accomplished, you’re better able to showcase yourself in a dating profile than at a singles event where you might be competing with younger, more physically attractive women.
Take me, for instance. I’m cute. Not gorgeous. But I had a lot of high-quality men, including my husband, wanting to meet me based on my vivacious dating profile. I might not have stood out so much at a singles event.
Side note: If you’d like a professionally written dating profile, this is my specialty! As an award-winning copywriter (that’s a person who writes advertising and promotional material), I know how to make you irresistible online and attract the right man to the real you. That’s why I write all clients’ dating profiles for them.
Final word on the Trojan horse method to meeting men offline
Okay, my final word on the Trojan horse method to meeting men offline is as follows: Offline dating isn’t all that. And online dating isn’t all that.
If you want to maximize your chances of finding Mr Right, you need to meet eligible single men - and it doesn’t matter how you meet them.
I suggest a balance of online dating and offline dating — without letting dating take over your whole life. Combine this with learning how to date more effectively and finding Mr Right won’t be a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING — Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.