What Makes Someone a 'Dating Expert'?
There are countless love gurus out there, yet no formal qualifications. So, how does anyone have the nerve to call themselves a ‘dating expert’. This dating expert will tell you.
You can also read on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode here
Here’s a two-part trivia question for you: Which character in what ground-breaking TV show uttered this famous line…
‘I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted. Where IS he?’
If you said Charlotte in Sex and the City, you’re correct.
This line pretty much summed up my love life until the age of 38 when I finally met my husband, David.
But David didn’t just ‘come along’. I didn’t meet him ‘organically’. If I only wanted to meet men organically, I’d probably still be single.
We met online and had a smooth run from meeting to marriage all thanks to my finely tuned dating and relationship skills, which I’d honed over decades of trial and error (mostly error). I also invested in counselling and coaching, which certainly helped.
From Miss to mission
I was single for over 20 years (give or take a few relationettes and situationships), lived and dated in 3 countries (Australia, Canada and the USA) and did 11 years of online dating across 7 dating sites and apps. In other words, I stuffed up so you don’t have to!
Now, I’m on a mission to help women have a much quicker and smoother journey to love than I did. I’m sitting on a goldmine of valuable dating and relationship lessons and I can’t bear the thought of them all going to waste.
Finding Mr Right doesn’t need to take so long or be so difficult. All you need to do is learn how to date more effectively and put it into practice.
How I have the nerve to call myself a ‘dating expert’
So, what makes me - or anyone, for that matter - a dating expert? Great question! I totally understand why you might be skeptical.
Well, firstly, I’m a self-proclaimed dating expert — and that’s because EVERY dating expert is a self-proclaimed dating expert. Unfortunately, there’s no formal qualification setting the standard.
Even being an MFT (marriage and family therapist) doesn’t make you a dating expert. MFTs are highly educated professionals when it comes to relationships. But there are important modern dating skills they didn’t learn at university, such as how to write a killer dating profile, how to use online dating platforms effectively and how to set healthy boundaries and a reasonable pace all the way from meeting to marriage.
But let’s say there WERE a formal qualification that made someone a dating expert. Even then, different dating experts would disagree — just as different experts on every topic from politics to pizza-making disagree.
So, it’s not fair to expect a dating expert to have all of the answers all of the time. But it IS fair to expect them to have experience, wisdom and sensible advice and to be able to steer you in a positive direction.
My definition of a dating expert is: Someone who knows exactly how to bridge the gap between looking for love and finding love and is able to teach it to others so that they end up with a life partner or spouse who makes them truly happy.
I think knowing how to bridge the gap requires a lot of personal experience and, ultimately, success with dating and relationships. I wouldn’t feel confident calling myself a dating expert if I were still single or if I hadn’t done the hard yards to meet my husband. I also think it requires a deep passion for the topic, which has led to voraciously consuming information about it, discussing it and studying it wherever possible.
Here are the top 10 reasons why I consider myself a dating expert:
1. I’ve been obsessed with dating and relationships from a young age
2. I’ve read countless books on dating and relationships
3. I’m the author of a humorous dating advice book called Men Are Like a Box of Chocolates
4. I’m the author of a number of published articles on dating and relationships
5. I’ve been featured in the media, including TV, as a dating expert
6. I’ve lived and dated in 3 countries — Australia, Canada and the US — and have experienced pretty much every dating high and low
7. I’ve had 11 years of online dating experience via 7 dating sites and apps
8. I invested in a comprehensive 6-month program with a top American dating coach
9. After learning from my mistakes, I finally met my husband, David, through online dating in January 2016 at the age of 38 and am now blissfully happily married
10. I’ve helped clients find love and been thanked at numerous weddings
Phew! Well, if that doesn’t convince you I’m a dating expert, nothing will.
Our family of two — plus fur babies
My husband, David, and I live in our hometown of Sydney, Australia, with our fur babies — Punky the French bulldog and Bicky the black cat.
Neither of us had kids from a previous relationship and, as a couple, we decided not to have kids. This was largely circumstantial. If we’d met 10 years earlier, we probably would have had kids. But I was about 40 and David was about 50 when we realized we were in it for the long haul. And considering our ages, incomes and energy levels, having kids just wasn’t for us. But we have a big extended family and plenty of friends, so our social lives are quiet busy. We also enjoy spending time just the two of us. And we’re both extroverted introverts, so we each value alone-time to recharge.
Dating ‘mentor’ Vs dating ‘coach’
I call myself a professional dating ‘mentor’ instead of the much more well-known title of ‘dating coach’ because I think the word ‘coach’ is confusing and inaccurate. When I hear the word ‘coach’, I picture someone running up and down a basketball court or football field with a whistle around their neck. I associate it with sports — and you probably do too.
The dictionary definition of the word ‘mentor’ is: ‘An experienced and trusted adviser.’ That’s much more what I am to my clients.
A dating expert should also be a role model
I want to apologize in advance for something… If you choose to consume my content (which I certainly hope you do!), you’ll probably notice I mention my husband, David, quite frequently. Now, I’m acutely aware of how annoying it is when you’re a single woman looking for love and some smug married woman is constantly like, ‘My husband this’ and ‘My husband that’. But in my case, it’s for a very specific purpose.
Who would you rather learn from — someone in the same position as you (single and dating) or someone who WAS in your position but successfully transitioned to where you want to be (happily married or coupled up)?
When I was single and dating, I wanted to learn from those who’d been in my position but had finally found love. I wanted to know their secrets. I wanted to know what advice they’d give their single selves if they could go back in time. I wanted to know how they finally met their partner or spouse and how their relationship progressed.
So, I see being a role model as an important part of my job as a professional dating mentor, which is why you’ll hear me mention my husband, David, quite frequently.
There’s a huge difference between how my relationship with David unfolded Vs how my relationship with every other man I dated unfolded. And I think it’s interesting and helpful.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING - Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.