Why don't men ask questions? A single woman's guide to one-sided conversations.
What to do when men don't ask questions is one of the most common dating dilemmas women have. Here's a five-step system for handling your next Mr No-Questions.
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode here.
It’s a frustrating and baffling phenomenon.
Whether you meet online or offline, the whole point of dating is to get to know each other. But as a single woman, sometimes it feels as though single men don’t understand this. Like, it hasn’t dawned on them that in order to get to know you, they need to ask you questions.
So, what do you do when you’re conversing with a seemingly nice guy — attractive, intelligent and accomplished — but he’s not asking you many (or any) questions?
Now, I know what you’re thinking: ‘Elly, this isn’t rocket science. The answer is simple. Dump him immediately!’
If you choose to do that, I totally get it. But if you want to give yourself a chance of finding a diamond in the rough, don’t write him off so hastily.
Here are five steps you can take before calling it quits on Mr No-Questions:
Step 1: Be understanding
Men are nervous. Men are trying to impress you. And when men are nervous and trying to impress you, they often talk too much.
They’re trying to make you aware of all the wonderful things about themselves before you disappear. And in this frenzy of verbal diarrhea, they can completely forget to ask questions.
So, start by being a little understanding and forgiving. If you apply some empathy, you might find you’re not quite as bothered by the fact that they haven’t, as yet, asked you much about yourself.
Step 2: Shut up
Maybe he hasn’t asked you anything because you haven’t given him a chance to.
You ask a question, he answers it. You ask a follow-up question, he answers it. This can happen when women get nervous and are trying to impress.
Maybe if you stopped asking follow-up questions and allowed there to be a lull in the text exchange or an awkward pause in the conversation, he’d jump in and ask you a question.
Step 3: Start talking
You probably don’t need a man to be as good a question-asker as you might think. What you really need is a man who’s a good listener.
So, start talking! Jump in with an interesting or funny observation or story. Does he listen intently? Great! You might find that makes up for his lack of question-asking. It also might prompt him to ask a question.
But if he’s really not that interested in anything you have to say, that’s a deal breaker. You’re not going to be happy in a relationship with a man who’s a bad listener.
Step 4: Ask this
I have to credit one of my clients with this tip. If he still hasn’t asked you many (or any) questions, try this…
Whether it’s via text, on the phone or face-to-face, just say, ‘So, is there anything you’d like to know about me?’
Say it warmly. If it’s via text, perhaps add a smile emoji. And see if that jolts him out of his one-sided conversation coma.
He might have a ton of questions for you! He might say, ‘Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I haven’t asked you anything yet’ — and proceed to ask you a question. Or he might say, ‘Nope.’ In which case, he’s lost you.
Step 5: Move along
If it’s become clear that not asking questions or not being a good listener is a part of who he is, move along.
You gave him a chance but, alas, he was just as hopeless as he first appeared. You can’t get blood from a stone, so there’s no point in dragging it out any longer — no matter how cute or nice he might seem.
If you’re texting, stop. If you’re speaking on the phone, tell him you have to go and say goodbye. And if you’re on a date, make an excuse and leave. Or just say no to a second date.
And don’t explain why — it might make him angry, so it’s not worth it. If he asks, just politely tell him you don’t feel enough of a romantic connection to move forward.
Then wish him well and forget he exists. Don’t complain to your girlfriends or on social media. Don’t conclude that ‘men don’t ask questions’ — this one guy doesn’t represent all men. And don’t give up on dating.
Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. You might get on like a house on fire with the next guy! And Mr No-Questions will be a distant memory.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING — Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.