Why More Dating Advice Won't Help You Find Love
You've read all the dating advice articles, listened to all the podcasts, watched all the videos and bought all the books - and you're still single. Here's why.
Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode here
I started collecting dating and relationship advice books from the boy-crazy age of 12. (Yes, I know that’s embarrassingly young.)Â
I still have them and I still love them. Here is just a handful:
In 1989, I bought Girltalk About Guys: Honest Answers to Candid Questions by Carol Weston. I’m not sure if it’s still in print, but it’s a great book for teens and tweens.
In 1997, I bought The Real Rules: Finding the Right Man for the Real You by Barbara De Angelis. Remember the famous and controversial dating advice book, The Rules? This is a rebuttal to that book — and it’s brilliant.
In 2004, I bought He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I love this book! I also love Greg’s breakup book, which is titled It’s Called a Breakup Because it’s Broken. He just gives such honest, down-to-earth and practical advice.
In 2010, I bought Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. This book is a real eye-opener for women in their late 30s and early 40s who want to get married — particularly those who want to have children.
In 2015, I bought Dating the Divorced Man by Christie Hartman, PhD. If you’ve ever dated a separated or recently divorced man and you’re wondering why it didn’t work out, this book has all the answers.
As I said, this is just a handful of my dating advice book collection. Members of the Your Dating Bestie community have access to my list of Top 12 Dating and Relationship Advice Books.Â
Why these books didn’t help me find love
These books are fantastic, except for one thing: They didn’t really help me find love.
Why is that?Â
I didn’t realise until after I met my husband, David, was that what I really needed was someone to help me APPLY the advice.Â
I had a unique experience that led me to this conclusion. In 2015, I invested in a 6-month program with a top American dating coach. It included a mammoth course with all the dating advice one could ever possibly need, weekly group coaching calls and an online community.Â
The course material was excellent. But this alone probably wouldn’t have helped me that much — just as all those dating advice books alone didn’t help me that much. It was the community that I found the most helpful.Â
After the program ended, a group of about 20 students created a Facebook group so we could continue to support each other. The support throughout the program and then the support for years after the program is what I believe led to my happy marriage.
If it wasn’t for this Facebook group, I never would have known that what I really needed to find love was 24/7 support in the form of an online community. Whenever I had a problem, I just jumped into the community, explained the situation and asked for help — and everyone responded with their educated guidance.Â
I say ‘educated’ guidance because, remember, we’d all completed a 6-month program with a top American dating coach on how to date more effectively and find a loving life partner or husband. It was just a matter of reinforcing those lessons and actually applying them to real-life scenarios.Â
Also, I learned just as much from the other women’s problems and being a source of support to them. This Facebook group is what inspired the Your Dating Bestie community.
The less effective ways I could help you find love
There are so many different ways I could attempt to help people find love. But I honestly don’t think any of them would be nearly as effective as the Your Dating Bestie community.
#1: Content creatorÂ
I could be a content creator, like a YouTuber, podcaster or influencer, create loads of dating advice content and monetise it through ads and sponsorships. I could write books (and I have). I could sell online courses. Or I could host fancy retreats and give seminars. But every single one of these would leave you in the same place I was left after reading all those dating advice books — without anyone to help you apply the advice.
#2: Dating profile writerÂ
I’m a professional writer, so I could just have a package where I write your dating profile and help you set it up on various dating sites and apps. This is something I actually do help my clients with in the Your Dating Bestie community. But your dating profile is just one piece of the puzzle. I couldn’t leave you in the lurch like that. What happens when you start searching and swiping, sending and responding to messages, meeting for dates, becoming exclusive, having your first fights, deciding whether or not to move in together, knowing if you can spend the rest of your life with him? What then? You need someone who’s going to stick by you over time.
#3: One-on-one coaching
So, what if I offered weekly coaching calls? Well, I’ve done that. But it’s time-consuming, which means it’s very expensive for clients. And I don’t want to be too expensive. I don’t want you to have to earn 6 figures to be able to work with me. I want to be affordable. I also want to be available — and once a week just isn’t enough. You need help as things arise.
A winning combinationÂ
That’s how I ended up with the Your Dating Bestie community. Of course, it does include some dating advice. The foundation of the community is my step-by-step blueprint for finding love — in the form of a printable e-book and 90-minute audio book called Profile to Partner: The ‘hallelujah’ step-by-step system to mastering online dating and marrying Mr Right.Â
But the community is where the magic happens, which is why I don’t sell the blueprint alone. I’d probably make more money if I did, but that would totally defeat the purpose. The community is where my clients learn how to implement the advice.Â
Because if you don’t implement the advice, it won’t help you find love. And if it doesn’t help you find love, what was the point of the advice in the first place?Â
Your Dating Bestie community members also benefit from my writing expertise with a professionally written dating profile. I make my clients irresistible online and help attract the right man to the real ‘them’.
And the finishing touch: One affordable flat rate for lifetime access.Â
As far as I’m concerned, my job isn’t done until my clients have found love.Â
I call it my ‘no single lady left behind’ policy. I won’t let them fail.Â
I wanted the Your Dating Bestie community to be a special place where single women could connect with each other and make lifelong friends. In May and June of 2022, David and I spent a month in the US visiting friends. I met about half of these friends through the 6-month dating coaching program I did back in 2015. When we created our private Facebook group and continued coaching each other for years, these women ended up knowing more about my love life than my family and closest friends!Â
So, if you’re surrounded by bitter single women who just want to complain about men and dating — or, on the flip side, happy couples who simply can’t relate to your situation — you need the Your Dating Bestie community.
The best advice is less advice
While I’ll always strive to deliver exceptional FREE dating advice via my podcast, Medium and Substack articles and exclusive emails (just enter your email), the best advice I can give you is to stop thinking dating advice alone will help you find love. It probably won’t. What you really need to find your Mr Right is a dating expert to help you implement the advice.Â
If you want me to be your dating expert, I’d be honoured. If you’d prefer to work with someone else, no worries. Either way, I strongly urge you to get off the dating advice treadmill of endless articles, podcasts, videos, books and courses. You’ll never remember any of it when you need it.Â
Ditch the information and embrace implementation.
Find Mr Right the un-miserable way
Think you can’t find love without suffering through dating? Think again.
Allow me to introduce (drum roll)… The Un-Miserable Dating Method.
If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.
And don’t miss my FREE TRAINING - Empowered AF: How to find Mr Right without having to change yourself, lower your standards or waste your time.