Why the Burned Haystack Dating Method Doesn't Really Work

A rebellious approach to online dating has caught fire with women who are sick of most men on dating apps. But will it really help you find your Mr Right? As a dating expert, I'm not so sure.

Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode here

Recently, I was scrolling Instagram, minding my own business, when a certain video piqued my interest. A woman named Jennie Young appeared on my screen telling me how she met her partner by using dating apps in an unconventional way. She called it the Burned Haystack Dating Method.

As a professional dating mentor, I’m on a mission to help women have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did. And I have my own ‘dating method’ that I teach. Like Jennie, I, too, finally found love online by doing a few things differently. But my ‘differently’ seemed to be different to her ‘differently’. What did she know that I didn’t? I was keen to find out.

Jennie’s website was surprisingly basic. There was no fancy design, professional photography or email opt-in. But there was a link to a Facebook group. ‘Hmmm’, I said. ‘I wonder how many people are in her Facebook group.’

I clicked over to her Facebook group and discovered that there was (wait for it)… OVER FORTY THOUSAND MEMBERS. Holy cannoli. That got my attention. This was more than a ‘method’. It was a movement. A few weeks and mainstream media appearances later and it was over fifty thousand.

So, what IS the Burned Haystack Dating Method?

When Jennie Young, an attractive, white American woman in her early 50s, was looking for love online and feeling confused, frustrated and disappointed (as do we all at some point in our online dating journey), she realised she was looking for the proverbial ‘needle in a haystack’. So, she googled the question, ‘How do you find a needle in a haystack?’ The answer: Burn the haystack. A-ha! She then set about applying this concept to finding her Mr Right on dating apps.

In a nutshell, the Burned Haystack Dating Method is about having a ‘bitchy’ (as Jennie calls it) dating profile that appeals to far fewer men in an effort to repel the Mr Wrongs and reveal the Mr Rights. And it’s about gaming the dating apps by blocking instead of swiping left on every man who’s a ‘no’ for you. Jennie considers blocking to be the online dating equivalent of ‘burning the haystack’. She uses her education in linguistics to decode men’s dating profiles and immediately block the duds.

I’m not going to go into every detail or ‘rule’ of the Burned Haystack Dating Method. Although it claims to fly in the face of conventional dating advice from lowly dating experts such as myself, it’s not as much of a rebel as it thinks it is. All the stuff about not letting dating apps take over your life, not fighting with random dudes online even when they say or do something offensive, only conversing with relationship-oriented men who make an effort to get to know you, and focusing on getting OFF the app and out on a date (one that he took the time to plan) within a week or two of connecting is all, in fact, conventional dating advice.

Three problematic elements of the Burned Haystack Dating Method

However, I will touch on three of the key rebellious aspects of the Burned Haystack Dating Method that I think are problematic:

1. What Jennie refers to as ‘block to burn’ (or B2B)

2. The ‘rhetorical patterns’ that get men blocked

3. The ‘bitchy profile’ designed to turn off the Mr Wrongs

№1: Block to burn

According to the Burned Haystack Dating Method, the equivalent of ‘burning the haystack’ when it comes to dating apps is blocking every man you’re not into. When you swipe left, they can reappear in your feed. But when you block, you’ll never see them again.

This seems good in theory. It ensures you only ever view new men and don’t waste time reassessing the ones you’ve already ruled out based on their dating profile or text messages.

The trouble is it doesn’t allow for human error — both yours and his.

You might have been feeling particular dismissive that day. Or you might have changed your mind about something over time and decided it’s no longer a deal breaker.

Likewise, he might not have been at his best when he wrote that dating profile, posted those pictures or sent those messages. He might have been new to online dating. He might have just had his heart broken. Or he might have been on the rebound. But months or years later, he might have evolved. He might have learned a lot about how to present and conduct himself online. Or he might finally be ready for a meaningful relationship and have a completely different online dating vibe.

Why ‘burning’ is better for toasting marshmallows than finding Mr Right

Unfortunately, you’ll never see these men on the dating app ever again because you blocked them. My husband, David, and I were on and off the same dating platform for years. It’s quite possible he attempted to connect with me years earlier and I overlooked him. Years earlier, when I was less experienced with dating and relationships, he wasn’t what I thought I wanted. Or maybe his dating profile wasn’t up to par for me at the time. If I’d blocked him, we never would have reconnected on that platform.

Now, imagine doing this for years. I know you want to meet your Mr Right yesterday, but the reality is it might take years. In that time, you’ll probably be in and out of short-term relationships. It takes time to get to know someone and see if they’re a long-term fit for you. But when you get back on the dating app, you’ve already blocked a lot of men in your local area who might be in a completely different place in their lives. But there’s no chance of connecting with them because you blocked them.

‘Ah, but I can un-block them’, I hear you say. Trust me, you won’t. It’s time-consuming and you probably made the right call with 80% of them. Do you really want to unblock hundreds of profiles in the hope of finding the 20% that deserve a second chance? That’s why it’s best to not block them in the first place. Sure, swipe left and move forward. But don’t block unless they’re truly disrespectful, narcissistic or just 100% not for you.

You might be interested to know that Jennie Young herself recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years whom she met online using the Burned Haystack Dating Method. And sure enough, when she got back on the dating app, she’d already blocked almost every man in her local area. She didn’t consider this to be a problem, but I do. I can almost guarantee there’s at least one or two potential Mr Rights on her blocked list. Unless a shiny new Mr Right comes along and doesn’t put a foot (or word) wrong, she’ll remain single. Not that there’s anything wrong with being single. But if you’re on a dating app, I assume your goal is to find a happy relationship.

№2: Rhetorical patterns

Jennie Young is an English professor with a PhD in rhetoric and discourse studies. Clearly, she’s highly educated and super-smart. Unfortunately, she also over-analyses men’s dating profiles and text messages to the point where practically no one can meet her word-perfect standards.

On Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Medium and in her Facebook group, Jennie teaches women applied rhetoric with regard to men on dating apps. Since the Burned Haystack Dating Method Facebook group didn’t restrict people in relationships or marriages, I asked to join the group and was accepted. (Although, I think it’s safe to say I’m going to be blocked and burned after I publish this article and Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode.)

Over the next few weeks, I watched with interest as various posts appeared about how, exactly, to apply the Burned Haystack Dating Method. Women would post screenshots of men’s dating profiles and text conversations and ask whether or not they should ‘block to burn’ — to which the answer was almost always ‘yes’.

Here’s the thing: Jennie’s probably right about 80% of the men she deems burn-worthy based on a single word, phrase or sentence. In fact, most of us don’t need Jennie to tell us when a man has said or done something a little ‘off’. We just know. We can feel it. It’s called ‘women’s intuition’. 

But what about the 20% she’s misjudged? Within that 20% is one particular woman’s Mr Right — her life partner, husband or ‘happily ever after’ — and she’s just kept them apart by filtering him out for her. One little thing he said that might mean something — but also might mean nothing in the grand scheme of things — and he’s gone. No second chances. Ouch! 

Too clever by half

It became clear that applying the Burned Haystack Dating Method too rigorously was a case of being ‘too clever by half’.

I learned this expression when I worked as a copywriter (a person who writes advertising and promotional material) in the creative department of some of Australia’s top advertising agencies. When someone came up with an idea that was so clever most people wouldn’t get it, we called it ‘too clever by half’ and took it out of the running. What’s the point of an ingenious advertising concept if the vast majority of your audience doesn’t understand your message? It’s ineffective.

So, too, is the Burned Haystack Dating Method. It’s ineffective. By ‘cleverly’ over-analysing every syllable of a man’s dating profile and text messages, and making hard and fast conclusions about who he is, what he wants, and whether or not he’s worthy of your time, you do genuinely filter out a lot of losers. But you also filter out a number of potential winners. And the more potential winners you filter out, the fewer chances you have of finding love.

‘Block to burn’ Vs ‘Three strikes and you’re out’

I’m not going to delve into the nitty gritty details at this point. You can judge for yourself by reading Jennie’s Instagram posts, watching her TikTok videos or joining her Facebook group. I’ll just say I find myself cringing at many of her examples. 

In some cases, I totally agree that the dude should be done and dusted. Perhaps, someday, when he realises women aren’t picking up what he’s putting down, he’ll change his tune. But in many cases, I think it’s way too early to ‘block to burn’.

If you need a ‘rule’, I believe you’re far better off with ‘three strikes and you’re out’. This gives him two more chances. If he’s still rubbing you the wrong way, then you can ‘block to burn’ — or, better yet, simply un-match, move forward and forget about him. Plenty more fish in the sea. 

A lack of empathy for the male experience

It’s hard not to notice the distinct lack of empathy for men’s experience of women, online dating, offline dating and relationships in the Burned Haystack Dating Method community.

Newsflash: We’re not perfect. Most men are just as frustrated with the dating process as women are — sometimes for the same reasons (such as ghosting) and sometimes for different reasons (such as being taken advantage of when it comes to paying for dates). This combined with the fact that they’re men — not women — and are motivated by different things (such as sex) often explains their behaviour.

If women took one moment to understand where men might be coming from when they say or do something that feels a bit ‘meh’, they’d be more capable of distinguishing the true duds from the good guys who simply aren’t very good at writing dating profiles or text messages or suppressing their attraction or desires. It is, after all, a dating app. You’re not trying to find a job. You’re trying to find a romantic partner. 

Men’s and women’s comfort levels when it comes to flirting and sexy talk in the early stages of connecting are often misaligned. But there’s a difference between a kiss emoji and a dick pic. Lump them in the same category and you’re going to struggle to find love online. Just because you might want to be treated as a platonic friend until you’ve met face-to-face and established a mutual attraction doesn’t mean he’s wrong for showing that he fancies you. If he shows it with a dick pic, go ahead and block him. But if he shows it with a kiss emoji or a light reference to physical affection, I’d strongly encourage you to let it slide until you get to know him a little better.

How I went from single to soul mate

As a natural wordsmith, I totally understand the temptation to ‘burn’ every bloke with an imperfect dating profile or weak messaging style. But this kind of ruthlessness is exactly what kept me single for so long. 

When I lowered the bar in various ways and took the time to get to know more men, especially the ones who were interested in me and making an effort to contact me regularly and take me out on dates, I met my husband, David, within 6 months.

To be clear, I didn’t lower my standards. David is everything I wanted in a partner and more. I lowered my expectations of men’s dating profiles, text messages and early interactions to give them a chance to pleasantly surprise me. And one inevitably did.

That’s why I don’t think being more dismissive and less empathetic is a helpful vibe to bring to the dating table. In fact, I believe the opposite is true. If you’re less dismissive and more empathetic while still maintaining healthy boundaries, you’ll be like a breath of fresh air to most men — and you’ll have more high-quality romantic prospects to choose from.

№3: ‘Bitchy’ dating profile

Before I get to what Jennie Young refers to as the ‘bitchy’ dating profile, a bit of backstory…

I began my online dating journey in 2005 at the age of 27. By 2006, I was already writing dating profiles professionally.

It was hard not to. As a classically trained and award-winning copywriter, I couldn’t help but notice how incredibly bad most people’s dating profiles were. Even highly educated and articulate professionals had trouble marketing themselves. 

This is normal. When was anyone ever taught how to market themselves? If you needed a website to market yourself as, say, a portrait photographer, fashion stylist or wedding planner, you’d hire a copywriter. So, why not hire a copywriter to market you as a romantic prospect? Isn’t finding the love of your life just as important?

It all started when I re-wrote my best male friend’s dating profile (after I told him it sucked because he was so much cooler than he came across in his profile) and he met his wife online within two weeks. She loved his dating profile! They’re still happily married and have three gorgeous sons. This was my first professionally written dating profile success story. There have been many others.

I was still having trouble finding someone for myself, but my dating profile wasn’t the problem. After 11 years of online dating across 3 countries (Australia, Canada and the USA) and 7 dating sites and apps, I finally met my husband, David, online in our hometown of Sydney at the age of 38 and got married at 42. The trouble was I’d dated pretty much exactly the same way for over a decade and, clearly, something wasn’t working. But after a combination of counselling, dating coaching and learning from my mistakes, I made a few subtle yet powerful shifts in my approach to finding Mr Right that I believe led to my success. Those shifts were pretty much the opposite of what the Burned Haystack Dating Method recommends.

My professionally written dating profiles landed me a guest appearance on Studio 10, which is like the Australian version of Good Morning America. I re-wrote a producer’s dating profile and gave other dating profile tips.

It wasn’t until David and I got engaged that I felt confident offering something more than just professionally written dating profiles. I’d always wanted to help my clients find love but didn’t think it was my place to give advice until I’d found it myself.

The reason for this long-winded backstory is because (gulp) I’m about to be quite hard on Jennie’s so-called ‘bitchy’ dating profile — and I wanted you to be aware that I do know what I’m talking about to some extent.

The Burned Haystack Dating Method ‘bitchy’ dating profile

From the deliberate selection of unsexy photos to the somewhat abrasive words, Jennie Young’s ‘bitchy’ dating profile was designed to repel the Mr Wrongs and reveal the Mr Rights.

Two things before we go through it:

1. No amount of not-so-great photos or not-so-pleasant words will stop men from approaching young, hot women on dating apps. If you’re in your 20s or early 30s and physically attractive, you’re going to get inundated no matter what you do.

2. Assuming you’re over 35 and not a Cindy Crawford lookalike, this profile will undoubtedly repel many Mr Wrongs. Unfortunately, it’ll take a lot of potential Mr Rights along with it.

Okay, here it is — Jennie Young’s now famous ‘bitchy’ dating profile:

I’m a writer (humor writer, self-supporting, not a starving poet), and I’m going to write this from a different angle. Here’s my Top 10 List of what I *don’t* want:

1. Hookups

2. “Hey” messages

3. “What’s up” messages

4. “You up?” messages

5. Anyone who’s “living life to the fullest”

6. A 55-year-old man who “wants kids some day”

7. Anyone whose profile is written in “second-person directive” voice that directs me how *I* should be. Here’s an example: “You should be fun-loving, honest, easy-going, and fit.”

8. Anyone who’s easily offended by dark humor (or this list)

9. Texting maniacs. I use texting for logistics, not actual communication.

10. Party boys, in all iterations. I’m a family-oriented grownup with my life together, looking for same.

Last thing you should know: I’m not a “cool girl” (if you don’t know the reference, read this).

If you can get past all that, and if you’re still reading, this could work.

Less prickly section of profile: I’m a runner and cyclist (more recreational than competitive these days), and I love hiking. I’m a fan of books, coffee shops, small towns, lakes, and mountains. I haven’t traveled much internationally but want to. I’m funny. I know everyone on here claims this, but I’m pretty well-published (internet satire) and sometimes even financially compensated to be funny, so I feel like I can claim it accurately? I guess?

I can’t be attracted to anyone who doesn’t know their homonyms. I’m sorry.

Why this profile won’t help you find your Mr Right

Oh, boy. Where do I start? It’s basically a what-not-to-do guide to writing a dating profile.

I’ve resisted the urge to tackle it line by line because I don’t want to be nasty. I’m not here to eviscerate Jennie. I’m here to show single women why this dating profile, or their version of it, is far more likely to hinder than help them find love.

Firstly, you need to remember that you’re not the only one on the app who’s fed up with the opposite sex and online dating. Most people are. But when you spend 80% of your dating profile rattling off a list of things you don’t want, it doesn’t come across as unique and witty. It comes across as jaded and arrogant. Like, ‘Oh, you think you’re so good and your frustrations are so bad that you can just have a big whine and make practically no effort to appeal to me and I’ll still want to connect with you? No thanks!’

Jennie’s list of gripes are mostly a case of men fumbling their way through online dating, as though men don’t also have to contend with uninspiring ‘Hey’ messages or ‘Living life to the fullest’ clichés. If you want to sidestep every single one of these men because you just can’t get past their lack of online dating prowess, that’s your choice. But go easy. There’s no need for a smack down.

I’ll just mention No. 8: ‘Anyone who’s easily offended by dark humor (or this list).’ Translation: ‘If you find my obviously brilliant dating profile off-putting in any way, you must be unintelligent, uptight or have no sense of humour.’ This is the exact kind of ‘rhetoric’ that’s an immediate ‘block to burn’ in the Burned Haystack Dating Method Facebook group. When men do it. Apparently, it’s okay when women do it.

Secondly, Jennie tells — instead of shows — that she’s ‘funny’. I’m sorry, but… cringe. I don’t care how ‘well-published’ or ‘financially compensated’ you are as a ‘humorist’, if you can’t make someone LOL in your dating profile, you’re not as amusing as you think you are. Whether you’re ‘funny’, ‘intelligent’, ‘creative’ or ‘well-travelled’, show — don’t tell.

Thirdly, the short blurb about her interests is dull and generic. For instance, she says she’s a ‘fan of books’. That could mean anything from European historical fiction to Amish vampire erotica. For goodness’ sake, give a guy a clue! If you want men to strike up a meaningful conversation with you, cast the rod with some nice, juicy bait on the hook. Share your favourite book and why, or what you’re currently reading and your thoughts so far, or what new release you can’t wait to devour. Likewise with ‘I haven’t traveled much internationally but want to.’ Snoring! Where would you like to go and why? C’mon, girl. You’re better than this.

Finally, not only does she say absolutely nothing about what she has to offer a partner and what kind of relationship she’s looking for, but she ends her dazzling profile with the sentiment that if you’re not as much of a grammar snob as she is, you can basically f*ck off. Eek! I’m a grammar snob, so I get it. But I didn’t find this the least bit attractive. Being a grammar snob isn’t something to be proud of. It’s something you can’t help if you’re well-educated and pedantic about the English language. But it’s not a personality trait. And having it in common with your partner is no indication that you’ll live ‘happily ever after’. It’s shallow.

Now, take a moment to imagine the male equivalent of this dating profile. An attractive, intelligent, successful, kind and relationship-oriented man is genuinely fed up with all the rejection, ghosting, unreasonable expectations, nit-picking and occasional gold-digging of women on dating apps. So, he writes a dating profile like this, spending about 80% of it complaining and 20% of it sharing just a little about himself while still being a bit of a dick. Would this appeal to you? If not, don’t do the same.

Another reason why this dating profile is ineffective

The other issue is now that Jennie has published and widely promoted this dating profile, it’s even less effective. Just one TikTok video about it has received over 1.4 million views, including over 150,000 likes, over 10,000 bookmarks and almost 1000 comments. This one creator has also done some follow-up videos showing how she’s now using it as her dating profile, which Jennie actually encourages. 

As I explained earlier, most people are terrible at writing dating profiles. They just don’t know what to say. So, many of them resort to plagiarism. I can’t tell you how many times my various dating profiles over the years were plagiarised. Women plagiarised them. Men plagiarised them. I even had someone plagiarise my entire profile, including my pics. I found this out when a man accused me of being a scammer and didn’t believe me when I told him I was the original and the other person was the scammer.

That’s why, as proud as I still am of my ‘winning’ dating profile — the one that caught David’s eye and made him compromise some of his so-called ‘deal breakers’ — I will never, ever, publish it. Thousands of women are now using Jennie’s dating profile or a version of it. So, regardless of how good or bad it is, a dating profile becomes ineffective when it starts showing up everywhere. Those who know it’s not original will immediately swipe left. Well, the good ones will. The bad ones — men who don’t care about a woman’s dating profile as long as she’s hot — will still swipe right. 

Now, if Jennie insists on standing by her ‘bitchy’ dating profile for herself, that’s fine. The trouble is she’s now recommending it, or something like it, to anyone who’ll listen. And that’s where I truly believe her advice takes a nosedive. It simply WILL NOT WORK for 99% of women. It’s not who they are, it’s not appealing to the type of men they want to attract, and too many people have seen it before. It’s over.

Two reasons the Burned Haystack Dating Method has caught fire

I can see why the Burned Haystack Dating Method is so popular.

Firstly, it’s free. (At least, for now.) So, anyone who follows Jennie on social media or joins her Facebook group knows she’s not trying to sell them anything. That’s commendable, but I don’t know how long she’s going to be able to sustain it. Managing a huge online community, regularly creating long and short-form content and appearing on podcasts and in the media is incredibly time-consuming.

Secondly, she’s telling women what they want to hear: That not only do they NOT have to be warm, empathetic and open-minded to find love online but that being cold in their dating profile and ruthless with their swiping will actually HELP them find their Mr Right. After months or years of being stuffed around by men, what woman wouldn’t want to hear that she can kick every man who rubs her even slightly the wrong way to the curb and emerge triumphant with her ideal life partner or husband? Apart from finding love without having to date (some people do get lucky and meet through friends, work or common interests), it’s the next best thing.

Well, you know that old saying: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. In the same way a broken clock is right twice a day, the Burned Haystack Dating Method will work (or appear to work) for some women. But for the vast majority of women who have ‘burned’ every man in their local area, they’ll still be single years later.

If not the Burned Haystack Dating Method then what?

It’s simple math that the fewer men you get to know just a little bit better before writing them off, the fewer chances you have of finding love. Go and talk to ten happy couples and many of them will tell you their husband, wife or partner didn’t make a flawless first impression or wasn’t exactly what they thought they wanted when they first met.

It was me being LESS dismissive (not more) that led to my happy marriage. From his dating profile and text messages to some behaviours I noticed within our first month of dating, there were a good handful of things David said and did that I could have reasonably ‘burned’ him on. And if I’d posted about them in the Burned Haystack Dating Method Facebook group, Jennie and countless random women would have flooded me with unequivocal ‘block to burn’ messages.

But I kept seeing him for two reasons: 

1. Overall, I liked him. He was cute, smart and funny and we had a lot of common interests. 

2. He liked me back. From the moment we met online, he contacted me daily, responded to contact immediately, organised to see me every weekend and sometimes through the week and planned awesome dates — all in a healthy, promising way (not an icky, love-bombing way).

№2 is the clincher. You won’t have to decide whether or not to ‘burn’ most men because most men will burn themselves simply by not stepping up in a meaningful way. They’ll match but not message, or send dull messages, or stop messaging altogether. Or when you try to move them from messaging to a phone call, they’ll lack consideration for your schedule, or not call when they said they would, or ghost you. (Note: Phone calls result in fewer but higher quality first dates.) After the phone chat, they might not ask you out. And if they take you out on a first date, you might not make it to a second date due to one or both of you not being interested.

That’s why you need volume, volume, volume. Because most men aren’t going to make it this far anyway. If you’re a woman over 35 and you’re no longer attracting men in large numbers the way you did in your 20s and early 30s, turn the mindless platitude, ‘If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no’, on its head: ‘If it’s not a hell no, it’s a yes.’ What I mean is unless you look at a man’s dating profile and know you’re never going to find him attractive in a million years, swipe right. See what happens. It’s amazing how someone can go from a 5 to a 7 to a 9 as you get to know them, especially if they’re making an effort to get to know you too.

It’s important to remember that when comes to finding a life partner or husband, you don’t get to choose from everyone. You only get to choose from the men who step up and make it clear through their actions that they want to be with you and would be a good partner to you. Only then do you even need to think about whether or not he’s for you. 

For the first four weeks, I was really on the fence about David. But I kept going out with him because he kept asking me out. Finally, it hit me — I really liked him and wanted to be exclusive. I didn’t want to go out with anyone else and I didn’t want him to go out with anyone else. We agreed to be exclusive and our relationship progressed steadily from that point onwards. It just got better and better when I saw how open, honest, kind, trustworthy and loyal he was. He was also even smarter and funnier than he’d first appeared. And we rarely argued but, when we did, he fought fairly and wanted to resolve things quickly. I would have missed out on all of this if I hadn’t given him a few extra chances in the early days of our courtship.

Jennie Vs Elly

Jennie and I want the same thing. We genuinely want to help women find their Mr Right and not have to suffer along the way.

I have no doubt that Jennie’s intentions are honourable. But I’ve been at this for longer than she has (since 2006) and I’ve seen how countless women have finally found love online after struggling with dating apps — and it hasn’t been from being colder and more dismissive. It’s been from being warmer and less dismissive. It’s been from having more empathy for the male experience of women, dating and relationships — not less. It’s been from acknowledging that you’re not perfect either. That you raise red (or, at least, pink) flags for him too. And that if you could use a second (or third) chance sometimes, so could he.

Jennie’s teachings on rhetorical patterns of speech with regard to men on dating apps are interesting. You can learn a lot from her. (And at the rate she’s going, a book deal might be on the horizon.) I just don’t think you should ‘block to burn’ so hastily. In most cases, you don’t yet have enough information to make such a definitive judgment call. Not only does it leave you with fewer potential Mr Rights, it also leaves you feeling deflated. You might end up concluding that good men are scarce and you were right all along — there’s ‘no one’ out there for you. This simply isn’t true.

Your needle might look like a nail

There almost certainly IS someone out there for you if you stop being so sure you know exactly how to spot him. You don’t. That ‘needle in a haystack’ probably won’t look exactly like a needle when you first see him. He might look more like a nail. Perhaps even a blunt or rusty nail. Look a little closer. Give him a chance to prove to you that he is, in fact, a sharp and shiny needle by getting to know him and seeing how he shows up for you over time.

I’m not suggesting you give every man a chance. (Not even close.) I’m suggesting you give more men a chance. The okay ones. The maybes. Especially if they’re already interested in you. Move beyond their profile and get a text conversation going. If that goes well, move them to a phone call. If that goes well and they ask you out, go on a date with them. If that goes well and they ask you out again, go on a second date. 

Stop assuming your ‘needle in a haystack’ will be perfect from the moment you lay eyes on his dating profile. He probably won’t be. There will most likely be things about his profile you don’t love. In the early stages of contact and dating, there will most likely be things about him you’re not sure of. Don’t assume. Explore. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. And then decide whether he’s a needle or a nail.

Dating ‘best practices’

Jennie doesn’t hide the fact that the Burned Haystack Dating Method is somewhat of a middle finger to dating experts and conventional dating advice. But there’s a reason why dating experts like me give similar advice. Because it works! Because it maximises our clients’ chances of finding love.

You can find love in all kinds of ways. You can give up on dating altogether and still find love. (I know people who have.) But is giving up on dating altogether good advice for someone who wants to find love? Of course it isn’t. If a group of 100 women gave up on dating and another group of 100 women actively looked for love on dating apps using conventional dating advice, which group do you think would have the highest number of women in happy relationships or marriages in three years’ time? I think we can all agree it would most likely be the second group.

If you won the lottery, would you start advising people that the best way to build wealth is to buy lottery tickets? No. Financial planners would still know more about building wealth for the majority of people than you do.

How about the Un-Miserable Dating Method?

If the Burned Haystack Dating Method still appeals to you more than conventional dating advice, that’s your choice. As I said, there’s more than one way to find love, although some ways have proven to be more effective than others. 

My goal is to help women find their Mr Right as quickly and smoothly as possible. And when it comes to finding a needle in a haystack, I know your eyesight isn’t as good as you think it is. I know some needles will look like nails to you at first glance.

If you’d like to learn how to tell a needle from a nail, I have a dating method of my own I’d love to share with you: The Un-Miserable Dating Method. Also, I take a unique ‘best friend’ approach to helping my clients find love.

If you’d like to have a much quicker and smoother journey to Mr Right than I did, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Just visit YourDatingBestie.com.