The classic dating profile mistake you're probably making

You might think you've seen a lot of bad dating profiles. Yours probably isn't that bad. But it probably isn't that great either.

Photo by Nik on Unsplash

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Read this article on Medium or listen to the Your Dating Bestie Podcast episode here.

My professional dating profile writing expertise

Something came up in the comments of the most popular article I’ve ever written: Why the Burned Haystack Dating Method Doesn’t Really Work.

As a classically trained and award-winning copywriter (a copywriter is a person who writes advertising and promotional material), I started helping people find love online in 2006 by writing dating profiles professionally.

I’m proud to say I’ve been thanked at a number of weddings as a direct result of my dating profile writing talents.

My №1 dating profile critique

In the article, I critique Jennie Young’s dating profile as follows…

‘The short blurb about her interests is dull and generic. For instance, she says she’s a ‘fan of books’. That could mean anything from European historical fiction to Amish vampire erotica.

For goodness’ sake, give a guy a clue! If you want men to strike up a meaningful conversation with you, cast the rod with some nice, juicy bait on the hook.

Share your favourite book and why, or what you’re currently reading and your thoughts so far, or what new release you can’t wait to devour.

Likewise with ‘I haven’t traveled much internationally but want to.’ Snoring! Where would you like to go and why? C’mon, girl. You’re better than this.

A critique of my critique

Someone commented on my article as follows…

‘Would it be too much mental effort for men on dating apps to simply ask ‘What do you like to read?’ Or ‘Where would you like to travel?’ Must women do all the work? Must we spoon-feed men information about ourselves to be appealing?’

This was my response…

‘Sorry, but you’ve got it backwards. And gender is irrelevant here.

The less specific you are in your dating profile, the more you’re asking strangers on the internet to do all the work.

Almost everyone enjoys reading, travel, movies, eating out and spending time with family and friends. Profiles that state what you like to read, where you like to travel, what movies you enjoy, what foods you like to eat and how you like to spend time with family and friends (ideally along with an opinion or anecdote) are heads and shoulders above those that don’t. They connect quicker. They immediately establish some common interests and a bit of a rapport. And they show you care enough to put some effort into your dating profile.

As I said, this is genderless, so I’ll give you an example…

If I were swiping dating profiles, I’m going to be much more interested in a man who says, ‘I enjoy spicy foods and can make a mean curry’, than a man who says, ‘I enjoy eating out and cooking’. The former is so much more charming.’

Evidence that this works

That example was from the first dating profile I ever wrote for someone else.

One of my close male friends started doing online dating in 2006. When he showed me his profile, I thought it kinda sucked. It was boring and made him sound quite serious when he was actually really upbeat and fun.

Unfortunately, most people aren’t great at writing dating profiles. It doesn’t mean they’re not a great person or wouldn’t be a great partner to you.

I re-wrote my friend’s dating profile, which included the line ‘I enjoy spicy foods and can make a mean curry.’ Within two weeks, he met his wife. She loved his dating profile! And she loved that he could make a ‘mean curry’. They’re still happily married and have three gorgeous sons.

Generic is only a ‘mistake’ because it’s ineffective

So, the classic dating profile mistake you’re probably making is being too generic and describing yourself in a way that could apply to almost anyone.

Now, please don’t feel bad. Pretty much everyone does this. So, if you DON’T do it, imagine how much stronger your dating profile will be in a sea of generic dating profiles.

With dating apps such as Tinder, Hinge and Bumble giving you even less room to express yourself than dating sites such as Match, eHarmony and RSVP, it can be hard to go into detail.

In fact, many people don’t even try. They just post a list like this:

Books
Movies
Travel
Tennis
Cocktails
Dogs
Sunsets

Don’t force romantic prospects to judge you solely on your pictures

You know what this does? It forces people to decide how interested they are in you based solely on your pictures. But if you said something specific, interesting or witty, you’d increase your odds of making a connection.

A man who thought you were a 7/10 based on your pictures could instantly see you as a 10/10 if you made him laugh, or think, or said something that resonated with him. You’d shoot to the top of his online dating priority list. It worked for me! I wasn’t the hottest woman on the dating site, but David loved my profile so much that he reached out and contacted me.

Side note: Don’t be offended by someone who thinks you’re a 7/10 based on your pics alone. You can be gorgeous but not someone’s physical ‘type’. And attraction is so much more powerful when it’s not based solely on looks. It’s like when you meet a man at a party and don’t instantly find him attractive. But then he says something smart or funny and suddenly you’re quite keen.

How to correct this classic dating profile mistake

So, you’re better off picking one or two things that are important to you and expanding on them than trying to list as many interests as possible.

Let’s say you pick movies. Saying Good Will Hunting is your favourite movie is better than just saying you enjoy watching movies. But I think you can do even better. Dig a little deeper and reveal something about your true self.

Then you bio will start sounding more like this…

‘I’m a cinephile who shamelessly subscribes to all the streaming services. I enjoy binge-watching comedies, dramas and documentaries. I’m not usually a fan of ‘scary’, so if you want me to watch vampires, zombies or horror with you, there better be a bottomless supply of salted caramel gelato and cuddles on offer!’

See how much more engaging that is than a list of interests? It doesn’t just go into more detail. It also gives a sense of your personality.

Why you should flirt a little in your dating profile

Don’t be afraid to flirt in your dating profile, as I did in that example.

Remember, it’s a dating profile — not a resume. You’re not trying to find a job. You’re trying to find a romantic partner. You’re showcasing your partner qualities — not your professional qualities.

No need to worry about all the Mr Wrongs who will also like the ‘cuddles’ part. You don’t need to interact with anyone you’re not interested in.

It’s like walking into a bar wearing a sexy dress. 90% of the men gawking at you won’t interest you. But hopefully you’ve caught the eye of a potential Mr Right. Thank you, sexy dress. Or in the case of online dating, thank you, sexy dating profile!

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